9 months 9 months Here I present my story, as we met with my partner .....
This text is extracted from the blog, do it. Post
each Chapter, you will find my view of things or description from my perspective. Chapter
1: The day I saw you ... Exist!
about 4 years ago (and if my memory serves me), more or less in the months of March-April, was in the process of obtaining grants and loans for study, so one of those mornings I had to get up early to to make a long line where the social worker was on the campus where he studied. Almost by inertia, and if not for my internal clock, I woke up and I reluctantly prepared to do the processing.
7:30 am and was doing the line, and they had like 8 people before me. Too bad, considering that kitty person was 10 minutes, and like all security problems would have many as 12 a day. Time no longer cared. Frustrated
, wait, wait and wait until around 10:00 in the morning I found a boy ... as 1.71, solid but not fat, good looks, with an orange shirt that he looked really cute with jeans and targeted (at that time was hard to find) that caught my attention. Hiding behind very fashionable eyeglasses and stylish square frame. (1st sign). Saying that caught my attention is soon ... I was hooked on it, or image.
I followed the track all morning, because like I should also talk to the caseworker. So I went around, jovial, full of laughter in his face and surrounded by friends ... mmmm, (2nd sign). Will Gay? ask me, but at that point and because I returned a few glances was 50% sure that if it was gay, at least on his way to be. I do not know her name that day, but should be a cute name like. ARROW CUPID ME
Now tell the story from my point of view .... it was just another day 4 years ago, when still a student on campus Velásquez, where he was the department of psychology-a, needed to talk to the social worker , so by leaving a class that ended at about 9:30, I went to talk to her, being in line, suddenly a guy comes out, (good looking, attractive) in her office, claiming, with angry face and tell me face to the eyes watching me with a questioning tone "is not it?" by myself that question, his attitude was different, he was not a sour face, but rather gentle, sweet and asking complicity by the query I made a gesture of affirmation, without uttering a word, I think it was with a wink, movement of mouth and face, delivering a single monosyllable stupid "mmm", that was all I said I continued doing the line, while ... This person sat on a bench a few feet from where I was while I was "talking with some friends and colleagues who were waiting to speak with the social worker, but felt that eyes were fixed on me, of course ... he was, who was talking on his cell phone and I felt, to speak of my "to another person who was on the other side of the phone, after years confirmed that feeling, I tried to remember where I met him-a if there came-a city which I came-to, whether it was a friend of an acquaintance, if perhaps it was my career, whether it belonged to a church which I have attended, if there were reel-to him, but in short, did not know him-a, in my memory was not his face, but I felt I met-a-a always, Who was he?, maybe I met him-a, but did not remember at the time, this was the first time we met, but not the last as well as this, there were millions of chance encounters and unexpected appeared from time to time, to where least expected, either downtown, street, shops near my house, every time this happened-an-an I emerged more questions about myself .....
Chapter 2: Meetings.
After already knew existed, I wanted to know who was this guy I was starting to lose sleep. Usually it was visible in the sector Psychology rooms, so you should be studying that or any race of that power. First approach to life. And later through some signs they gave me their schedules, I knew it was like in 2nd or 3rd year of psychology.
I always find him there ... and I must admit that many times I forced the situation to meet. In the center, in college, at a store, even when a woman pololear ... and gave me a good laugh, because I was in her hand and I always looked at me. Even at that height was sure was gay ... or had serious doubts. Check out your class schedule and always responsible to be close when out of the rooms. I remember that only find two days, and these days always hanging around there.
Once you tell an acquaintance that I liked a boy studying in that room and at that time would ... said and done. Behind me was him, walking towards me ... or industry. When I was very close, I look at my eyes and moved his eyebrows as if to say hello. I swear I died at that moment. I covered an intense embarrassment and I could never look more than 3 seconds in the eye. My friend commented ... "if he is gay and must address it" ... and I could not let go.
One summer day, I remember that I found on a road known in my town, leaving a kind of condo while I went to work at a beverage company soda. That day I visualize it 3 times, and eventually I learned that he was almost bullied, thinking that he was following. Anyone. But this time if it was all coincidence. Like, I could not get my head around that time. My friends and friends told them every time I saw him ... "If ever I have a couple ... I want to look like him." It was 100% my taste, and only speak of the surface physics. Even that sentence is the said to a boyfriend I had at that time. Thing that matters to me as a true feel radish. Is that Mr. G was my platonic love, such love that you think are unattainable, as these stars that you can never achieve. These meetings and Demac
occurred during 4 years ... 4 long years and although I knew my life and others, he always had a place in my head.
Thus, as described Mr.B, we had a run of games .... Every time I met him out there, I looked innocently trying to remember where I met-a, but in time I do not deny that he began to fear me, not because I was harassed, but because they were beginning to trigger many things me about my sexuality, perhaps feeling that I met-a has always had-to do with that I knew, she was the person who waited a long time and whom they wanted-a share all of my life.
In the summer of 2002, was making a bunch, so I had no vacation and stayed in Arica, had-to-school in the morning, on one occasion, was leaving the bathroom and I met him when I went up-a steps we continue to look, then I say-that I began to follow, he would-a of the U for another entry, my heart began to race and I began to hasten my steps, I thought, that he had "missed, while and downtown, entered an Internet, and view my mail, half an hour ago, suddenly looked towards the entrance and was, again, wait for it to end my time in the PC and walked hurriedly to the cash-pay, to boot, while making it di-me note that doing the same, down the stairs quickly and went-a take the bus, while secretly watched him out and as I looked in his eyes, thinking that it would take-a micro went to the street opposite of what I was. That gave
-a I got home, very rabi-up because I realized he was a coward and was not able to face my fears and my desires to continue ... but I think the time is take care of it, now I try to do what I want and I am driven by my desires.
On 27 February 2002, I wrote this on my agenda, after the spate of multiple chance encounters, unexpected and perhaps, why not say, caused on that day. Our lives crossed
while our eyes, although we distanciábamos
remained close,
because our eyes never left.
Without thinking, we returned to find the same gave
-a, but in another place, I wanted to rid
,
but you wanted to bring,
near me, wanted to be.
without even talking, I had to go away, no
Moreover, I wanted to achieve,
knew, but I wanted away, rather
start, but you
without finding the place.
Now I have in my head
and I can not boot
that your image is recorded
and only you I can think of.
I would-to say what I feel, but I have to shut
in the depths of my being
I'll have to save.
Chapter 3: The first call.
as 1 or 2 years after the first time I saw Mr. G and I knew I was studying psychology, I began to think that people know that race. Went through my head 3 people, so I had to decide which of those 3 could be asked (secretly), some data, such as email or mobile phone of the boy who took away my sleep. The goal: Ask directly whether or not he was gay. Things would
easier than I thought. One day take a bus in the direction of the university. There, he was a childhood friend who was studying psychology. I started to talk about some things ... "how are you?", "You've done ?..."," TAS pololear ?"... "You know a guy in your career that is called Mr. G? ... But not what is your name" ... She said yes, they did not know much, but rather it was located, but if they knew of who he was. I asked him if could get me some phone or mail for a "friend" who was her birthday and that that gift would fall well (the most absurd excuses ... I wanted for me), and that this friend is re hooked him. "Sure," she said .. give me your email and we sent him.
Ok ... the network was already shot. Said and done, two days later I get the mail, with the cell number of Mr. G. Now the personal dilemma was how and when to call it. Should be soon, so I took the plunge and through another friend and I made a tripartite conference and I communicate with Mr. G. This is what I remember roughly that conversation:
- Alo? ... With Mr. G
- Si ... I talk to?
- Mira do not know me, and I apologize in advance if I offend you somehow or you uncomfortable. It happens that I am a guy who always has drawn attention and I will live ... Are you gay? and is there any possibility that we know?
- hahaha! ... I knew there was the matter ... no, I'm not gay, but if you can call me anytime, I'm open minded ... Now enters a test, so I'm half occupied.
- Ahhh .. ok ... good excuse, it was just that. Chao
- Do not worry ... chao.
After that, delete the number and did not dare to call more. I come home frustrated, and kept them from a distance. Over time, I knew I tried Mr. G dial the number went through tripartite conference that neither approach my number. We lost touch.
Thus, as has Mr. B, a day of October 2003, meeting at the University, just before the first test of ethics, about as at 17:30 hrs., While studying to enter the test my phone rang, it was a number I did not know-a, answers and dialogue describes exactly what Mr. B, but at that moment he sounded nervous and hesitant, after a moment went straight to the point, and I did question of the century are you gay?, I got nervous because it was the question that even I wanted to do in my life and less answer, I said no, while looking with my eyes, someone who was near the place where I was, thinking he could "to be a joke, was not going to respond with a yes-that -a did not know who he was and that no, it was a remnant of doubt, leaving open gestalt, to follow me calling, but apparently did not understand the hint, shortly after a few months, try calling that number, but without receiving a response from that call, since the number corresponding to a strange series, but the question of knowing who he was, was dissipated, only last year (first half of 2004), when to practice, as we talked about "homosexuality" was there, with which it was my girlfriend and a great friend, I told them that he had a type-a-ay I always kept looking at me, when I the charac-STIC, my friend said, you know that person you say, I called your number and called Mr. B, and chemical lab technician, and I could not believe "the person I was-a corresponding call ; to a person that I was everywhere, who some years ago, had "to respond with a" mmm "in front of his question, which had-a started, and often hidden, why not say, searched the crowd every time he went to the school or university, that's how I knew his name and what he did-a, and had spent more than three years since that first see that we were .....
remember the weeks of knowing who he was, I was in the middle with my girlfriend, we were in a store and went with a friend, then went back-to feel what I felt, which often saw him, a mixture of fear, insecurity, tremor, all I did was grab his hand tightly who was my girlfriend, as I felt, to look again Mr. B put in me, whom I also looked furtively, saw, as he commented to his friend in a few words our long history that took many years and which we had cross words only twice, the first with a stupid "mmm" and the second "non" (with respect to whether I was gay).
There are still many things to tell and I think there will be many chapters telling our story .... and this book, I doubt that I have an end, but on the contrary, they continue to write every day, because our love is eternal. ....
Mr. B I love you.
Chapter 4: Mr. G??
Years later, to be exact, before the 2004-2005 New Year from one of my emails Usually do not use MSN, or rather, had already left in oblivion. The idea was to see if it still existed-an my contacts and if they remembered me. Suddenly, someone speaks to me. It was a contact that had apparently erased and he was trying to keep the conversation going. At those times was with a couple in my life. Partner already entailed some problems of lack of affection from him.
The contact told me I stood by the picture I had in the profile of MSN. I thought "God ... I remove that picture." I went on to trying to talk to me and I continually closed the window .... and it was pretty heavy that I was very interested in talking. But he insisted. Ok .. I thought, we will give oportunidad.Me said I always looked at the university, on the street where we met. My surprise was great. I wonder if I had any idea who it was. "Mr. G ?"... I replied. Only managed to laugh without confirmation. Rather denied the idea was going through my head. And I said that only in the college years had watched only one person, Mr. G, who was studying psychology and that if he was not interested in having contact me and if he thought it had looked, it had only been one another roll ... In short, if you're not Mr. G, I interesa.Después retired and left me with great doubt whether it was or not. At that point I was not sure if it was, nor I could not help looking forward to the idea that there was a possibility it was him.
remember I was happy in my home and counting down the days to meet again with him in msn olvidado.Usualmente talked on msn. He always tried to leave me with the doubt that he was not, and I more and more sure I was. Asked to be shown in web cam and never yielded, never mind send me a photo. Know how to keep my attention. She missed an email or find on the msn. Many times between finding none. Called my attention to that mystery. I ventured, "the times I met him to try to prove that he was eager to want to know. I would like to say things in person I have said for MSN ... but not easily accessed. Rather shunned the opportunity to upgrade them and gave me my anxiety.
The talks lasted for long. Until one day ....
Thus, as has Mr. B, in late December 2004, in one of these gave-as in you have nothing else to do, I connect to a msn "alternative" had "to a fictitious name everything that I did not dare-a as Mr. G, he could "do and say under this false identity unknown, (what-you pick a person who lives a double life and yet-to-assumed not a) clear on it, had-aa all contacts Gays with whom he had "to chat some time ago, I did not know-aa none, because many of them had, has added a few years ago, after talking to chat, other had- ; to aggregate the channels you-spades, assuming that if I sent them a gay, everyone who showed up-an on the list were, of match.com, the gayfotolog, etc., anyway had-over 100 contacts, remember that I still lived-a repressed, if "he had said to someone-a-in (which were not more two people), was just looking for friendship.
worth mentioning that by that time, I had just finished with my last girlfriend, with whom I lasted about 8 months.
Continuing the story, I open my msn and I find with surprise that the had-someone, whom I was always around, "with whom we looked at and which I pulled many times, he was Mr. B, My first words after the routine greeting were, "Hey ... I love you I know, I've seen" (I decided to at the picture she had in her profile), he gave me no ball is continuously closing the window and I replied to had-a to call your attention somehow and I said, "you always look at me," he with a contemptuous reply, I said I did not think-a, I asked if he-a couple, I said yes, "but still caught me after so much emphasis has agreed to talk to me, I told him I always had-a sense that I watched, both in the U.S. like every time we were out there, "he told me he did not believe it-a, because only had-a looked at a person in the University and that person was the supposed-bloomers and they were heterosexual, I tried to insist that tell me who it was, after much insistence, I said that person was studying psychology-ay called Mr. G, I only managed to respond with a written laughter (hahaha), but if I had seen his face at that time was a mix of joy a, surprise and security, because she knew "they could not-a look at the whole world, their eyes made me feel special-an, we knew that he liked, he asked me Mr. G? and I replied no, let your amazement and wonder alive, but I will confirm or deny that statement, I said if I was, was the happiest person you might have at that time, I went on without a word, did not know-to do-he could not say yes, "because I still was not prepared for what was to come-a, preferred to leave with the illusion, I said I had-to go and closed the msn.
Next to di-and those who continued, they hooked me, but send me mail asking if I was Mr. G, please confirm him, he told me he hoped to meet me again in the msn, I continued- ; to not say anything and my answers were ambiguous, then di-as-mailed me giving me a kind of ultimatum, saying yes, I was not Mr. G did not continue to respond, of course I ignored and continued with the little game, after day, I showed him on camera and confirmed what I expected, I was, Mr. G, but I said that was not yet ready for a first meeting with him.
Chapter 5: January 10. First Date.
not know why, and I think never know, on January 10 are special to me. Why?. Because these dates are closed or start cycles in my life and usually really important things happen (without the wait). Just as an example I will tell you two. When I told my family (2 brothers, potatoes ... all at once) that he was gay for like 3 years ago, was 10 January. Also on the same date a year later, I dared to tell my parents that I had family, important data, because for me, it meant that my old start to see me first as someone capable of having a partner, second, someone capable love, and third, someone sexually active. And so, there are many more situations that have happened and are closing cycles for me.
After several days chatting and writing email, Mr. G and I had confirmed that it was him. The boy of my dreams. It cost me, but it did. My dream was maximum. A good day
"I wrote an email telling him that soon would be-a birthday. That would be a good idea that we met on 13 January. For me it would be, to know that I gave a gift-a. It was about 8:00 pm and my phone rings. I answer, to my surprise was Mr. G, I decided that I had called the house and knowing that my name was not on my cell. Make the time my good luck and called and told him that if he got together at that moment to which he agreed to my request. I remember thinking "oh!" Dear God ... I gather together with Mr. G. .. someone slap me "(a peñisco was not enough). The time was given at 8:30, against Velásquez Campus of the University of Tarapaca. 30! minutes and without any production I totally normal and a tired-a gave my back. But I did not care. Go as fast as I could. Into the bathroom of the university and me "take a coat of cat." It was already 8:30 and had to hurry. Walk out the main entrance to the University and there he was. With a sleeveless shirt, white, hidden behind a pair of glasses and optical dating of a visit to the doctor. I approached and greets him with obvious nervousness. I went out words fluently and answered the first 5 minutes in monosyllables.
"I know Mr. G! !!!!!" my head kept repeating. We decided to go to the beach, sit and talk. All I had never been able to say, I told him that day, from the time we were in, the forced encounters, casual and investigation of their schedules. Of how much I liked the first time I saw him, everything. Throw all my cards on the mesa.Sin realize, time flew by. I asked what day was today. I replied, Jan. 10. NOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!... I said. And I told him that always the important things in my life happened that day. And for me to know him was one of the things that certainly was much more than important. (Knowing my love was platonic.) It was already
and 3 in the morning of day 11. We decided it was good time to leave but we both do not want to leave. And the whereabouts of the group I did hear a song. Song now reminds us of our first date and you have phrases that come to us deeply.
"Escucha Atento" Laura Pausini presents sentences like this and we watched in silence as we listen.
Today I went back-to think of you, for centuries
not call you or you to me
usually happens to anyone else I love,
to anyone
since found none that seems to you that
seems to me inside. Escucha Atento
the message is for you tell me if you're there
-
I know you and I know you will not have
alternative to me-I know, I know, because I know.
I would say, to a lie, me-
if I said that I did not have company-as
or other skin brushed
looked at each mouth to find your name ...
Basically we both knew that we would not ourselves alternative. We parted only with the appointment. Would have liked to kiss him that night. But for all this was new, and respect their time. It was possible that my crush became my real love.
There is more to tell. Up Chapter 6.
So-as Mr.B account on January 10 sent me an email saying that in a few days would be a birthday (January 13), I read it, and I remember that I gave these as I was half-cold, well, I went to the Doctor, being there, hoping that I attended, I felt-the need to call their number and had-to me since I was about half an hour fighting with myself to see if he called or not, after I decided some time, and I called with the bad luck that he was not at home, after a few minutes, I decided, again, but this time to call on his cell phone, this time, I answered and I suggested we juntásemos, I said well, that day would be our first formal date, I tell them that was ideal, in summer we went to the beach sitting on the sand and talked of all, I was captivated by his intelligence, his look, his words and transparency, I felt-a-to met him always, he was the person he wanted, he wanted "to and with which I wanted- to be, I wanted to kiss him but did not dare, "if he had done it I reciprocate, but it was not necessary, although we do not kiss just captivated me with his words, the hours passed without us account, when it was nearly 3 am back, I did not want "to go, but it was late and it was cold, we watched us as we walked wordlessly, in a complicated way, our faces reflected an enormous happiness manifested in our eyes and our smiles, I felt, to something that had never before-a sense or experienced, I was falling for him, at one point I did hear a song from Laura Pausini, who put the soundtrack to our history We knew that we had no alternative, I was for him like him to me.
back to my home and all the way could not, to make that point in my mind, wanted, to repeat as soon as possible and longed to see him again.
Sabí-to-to be with him, see him again-aa and would start a relationship.
Chapter 6: January 13, Our First Weight.
I get eve of my birthday. After the first appointment, with Mr. G (I) we agreed to celebrate together that day. I happen to look at 9 pm. I was prepared to have fun. To keep talking, to tell more about me, and know more about him, which ultimately was what mattered. At 9 o'clock came, I got- the car and we decided to buy a pisco sour light, we went to the sea, a lookout and look 12 at night. I died-in for a kiss.
talked about many things, while my head was spinning the idea of \u200b\u200bslashing his lips ... I wondered how I would kiss?, what if I'd like your kisses?, okay exceed reality to fantasy?. Until that time there was only rubbing our hands. Everything indicated that this night could touch your lips.
may sound cliché ... but I promise that if you kissed could die in peace. 11:58 am
As of the eve of my birthday I saw that it began to accommodate the car seat ... I thought ... Why is this accommodating? What do you have in mind?. In my head was turning even the idea of \u200b\u200bkissing. Reached 12 and he is thorough. I did. I had my gift. My first kiss and Mr. G (I) in my arms.
From that moment things were easier. We talk about very intimate things, we both wondered why he was doing, because we felt that we always knew. I knew he was Mr. Right ... "
"Tommy, The Who: A Tour through their different Incarnations "
